96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
MIDGETS
????
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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