they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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