i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
