The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
