I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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