A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize