PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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