highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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