I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you never un-have a 4some
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
