I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
