Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
