if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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