she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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