Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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