i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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