Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize