If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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