im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
