A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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