I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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