u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
