If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
