A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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