saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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