If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize