So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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