You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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