i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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