if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
