I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
