Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
