and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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