So gin and wine won't be happening again
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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