so let's talk penis.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
