I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
