Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
