Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
