One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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