I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
