I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize