I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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