Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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