life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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