God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
