Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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