Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
