it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
