connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
