dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
