if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just googled if crying burns calories
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
