Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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