so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
