youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You pole danced in your parka.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
