omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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