Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it's like heaven, but drunker
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
