I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
