Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we made out on top of his cat.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
