ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
