Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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