with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
