she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
