you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
