I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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