im drinking this country out of the recession.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
