Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Actions speak louder than pants.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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