currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I got inside last night via doggy door
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
