I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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