How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Randomize
