I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
