he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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