i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
