there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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