i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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