So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
