This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize