So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
