i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
