watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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