i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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