ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
