All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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