he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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