Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
